it's been a long journey...a part of which ended thursday afternoon...

it started with chris meeting a little boy as he set up our youth center. when the youth center opened that little boy showed up with his brother, and later his mom...

his mom named naraa.

over the next 2 years or so we got to know and love naraa. she had fought and won the battle against breast cancer, she was a strong woman who knew what she wanted out of life. we wondered what amazing things the Lord could do through her if she would give her life to Him. eventually our conversations led to "religion" and spiritual things, and though she made it clear she had no need for our Jesus, she was ok learning about Him through us.

last fall we got the news that her cancer had returned. it was stronger this time, more obviously devastating to her every-day life. we watched as a once unstoppable woman became more and more ravaged by the disease. we sat with her, cried with her, and shared our faith with her as she faced this terrifying battle. still she clung to her shaman, he was all she had, our Jesus was out of reach...our heritage not hers.

we continued to pray, thousands around the globe lifted her name heaven-ward. i told her once how famous she had become in america, and she smiled...but still, crippled by fear, pressured by her family and controlled by her shaman, she refused to reach out and take the eternal peace Christ offered. as she continued to deteriorate, her family talked of the promise of healing from her shaman, and continued to pour money into his visits.

most of the time when we visited she lay moaning in pain, unable to talk, her only words to us: "please, i don't want to die!"....

it was devastating. hadn't God called us here for times such as this?...to share His truth and see it bring hope to lives just like naraa's? was THIS how it was to end?

the last time we saw her, she lay under a time-chart displaying what positions she should be lain in, and when, in order to avoid bedsores. she was deep in a drug-induced sleep. she had spent the last two weeks in a "Jesus hospital" (as they called it). one that shares the gospel with all its patients. her family scoffingly told us since coming she had begun "praying to Jesus"...we didn't know what to think...was she simply doing what she thought she had to to be healed?...was she just following "dr's orders". and yet she had been so vehement in the past that, though she loved us, she could have no part in our Savior.

she was to go home the next day, her allotted time at the hospital had ended and we offered to transport her. we went in to meet with her and she was awake and talking for the first time in a long time. a gift...

with her eyesight gone and hearing going it took her a little bit to recognize who we were. and once she did her tone became lighter as she told us "I've started praying to Jesus! i told him to take my sin and sickness! everyone asks me if i honestly believe what i'm saying and i tell them why would i lie about something like this? isn't it wonderful?" we wanted to rejoice with her, but also wanted a clearer understanding of just what had happened in her heart. did she really understand?...our time with her had been so short, her understanding of the gospel so limited and clouded by her worldview. her mind was in and out and her pain medication took her away from us before we could really talk with her, but as we drove away from her home we had hope...she had heard the gospel once again and responded in some way.

that was two weeks ago, and thursday she passed on. this side of eternity we will never know what truly happened in her heart, but the Lord understands better than we ever could.

it's always been out of our hands...and, as always, we simply trust, it's all we can do. as humans we would love for everything to be concrete and tangible, but the truth is, as believers, we are dealing with all things abstract and INtangible. that's the point. it's not about us and our ways and our thoughts anymore, it's about something so much bigger than those...who can know the mind of God?...who can understand His ways?....

we are still left wondering what great things the Lord will do through naraa's life, and her death. one chapter is completed but the story continues...and nothing really makes sense until the final page, right? we are praying for opportunities to influence the family, especially her two boys. we leave the country in two days, which is difficult, knowing that now more than ever they need the hope of God's truth and His word, and have no one else in their lives to share it. when we went to their house today, there was a buddhist priest chanting endlessly in their ger (it's been a three-day ordeal)...as we looked at their faces we knew...they are without hope, without peace in the death of their daughter, mother, sister...

the story continues...

Lord show them your peace and your hope, continue to write the story, bring in new characters to share with them in our place...give us faith that for what little we see of it...this is your masterpiece...and it will all come out right in the end...

i'm sitting at the computer, preparing an easter lesson for kids' church. i'm planning how to share with the kids the amazing story of Jesus who endured suffering and gave his life for MY wrongs, and yours, and who beat death, miraculously coming back to life so that we, anyone who accepts the truth of what He did, can live...now and forever...with God. it's the story of God meeting our deepest and most eternal need through Christ...of our brokenness made whole by His wholeness broken...

and as i'm preparing that lesson i have received a text from a friend dying of cancer. she is not a believer in the truth of what Christ did for her. she's heard the story, but is scared to believe it. she can not think of eternity, because she is convinced doing so will end her life here...the only life or truth she knows...that which can be seen and touched and smelt.

she is gripped by fear and seeking help in a man she calls "teacher", a shaman, who may have dark power in this life, but can do nothing for her eternity. he meets with her any time she calls...for a price...a hefty price...equivalent to most people's salary for a month! he tells her what rituals she and her family must perform if she is to get well, he tells her what wrong she has done to deserve her own misfortune, he takes her fear and controls her with it, telling her what to drink, eat and even wear.

she has asked for my help, financially, so she can meet with this man once again. she is suffering and wants it to end. she begs me, saying that if i can help her in this way i can ease her suffering. she can not understand that her suffering goes so much deeper than her cancer...that the help i have to offer is of eternal value because all she sees, all she's ever known is the here and now. she can not understand that this life is simply a speck, and that to live a thousand lifetimes here on earth and die for eternity is the most tragic of all misfortunes...

i have not yet answered her, because i don't know how to fight in this battle. consistently i feel like a child wielding a sword...

Lord, how do i help someone who misunderstands her own need? how do i convince her that this life matters so little compared to eternity? how can i help her understand that death is not scary if your life is in the hands of the Creator? how can i truly understand anything of what she's feeling?....

and so i pick up my sword....but the battle is not mine...

knock knock...

if you're around our house for longer than 30 seconds, you can be sure you will be subjected to the comedic abilities of our hilarious children. for those who can't make it to our house, allow me to bring the comedy to you:
















of course their repertoire extends far beyond the world of "knock knocks"....we'll save those for another show....

dishpan hands...

confession:

i don't always go to bed with a clean sink...

honestly, sometimes i look at all those dirty dinner dishes and a wave of "i don' wanna' " washes over me in tidal proportions... "ugh!....i'll just get it in the morning..." click the light off, walk in the other room and though a feeling of "unfinishedness" remains...i can almost pretend they aren't even there...

but the truth is...when morning comes...and i'm starting everything fresh and new...walking in to those dishes again...and realizing that not only are they STILL there (what!? no dish fairy!?) but their filth is now fully crusted on, my first thought is "ugh!...why didn't i just do them last night?"

so, we see, that my first and last thoughts of the day boil down to, "ugh!"

when will i learn if i just take the 20 minutes to complete the task, not only will i end my day feeling "finished", but i won't wake up to an instant "to-do list" the next morning.

our lives can be just like that sink full of dirty dishes...we know there are things we need to clean out...crusting up our thoughts and spirit...God reveals them...we see them...but looking at them in relation to our own strength brings that familiar tidal wave of procrastination. it's too big...too difficult a task to tackle "right now". the problem is that, as with the dishes, the longer we leave it alone...the more crusted on the issues become...and crust of the heart doesn't just affect the kitchen sink, it affects us and ultimately everyone around us.

so i for one am getting to work...i'm getting rid of the "ugh" in my life! :)

"The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it." I Thess. 5:24