the oddball...

it's true...i'm a little....different...

(literary pause for the snide remarks of my dearest friends)

but really...

is there anything in life that makes a girl feel more out of place than...say...

moving to mongolia?

this.....

is how i feel most days...

after five years...people still stop in their tracks to gawk at me...and maybe snap a photo or two as i walk down the street.

and in my (far)less-than-perfect mongolian...i still say things like 'if your son has wool draining from his eyes...you should get some antibiotic ointment.'

...well...i guess so...

and, yes, i still see the value of refrigerating the yogurt over the canned soup in my local grocer's aisle...


*sigh* the list could go on and on...

as long as i live here...i am and always will be...different.

and let's not even talk about what a freak i am when i head back to the states, right?

some spend their lives striving for uniqueness...but me?...most days i just want to blend in. to get swallowed up in the sea of conformity and be treated just like everyone else...

the word 'foreigner' in mongolian has the same root as the word 'outside'...i'm an outsider...and the term is woven into every fiber of my existence...


at the store...

'hey look...an outsider just walked in!'

in a taxi...

'hey! i just picked up an outsider'...

(translation...i'm about to make at least 3x my usual fare)

on the playground...

'look, my child, that's not a mongolian is it?...

no that's an outsider'

but as tiring as it can be to hear this every day, everywhere i go...it can serve as a beautiful reminder ~if i let it~...

no matter where i am...as a Jesus follower...i'm called to be an outsider.

not in a 'check-out-that-weirdo' kind of way...

but in a 'that chick gets something i don't...and i need to find out what it is' kind of way...

God's word tells us to transcend...

to fix our minds on the eternal above the temporal.

to make our lives about so much more than the 

meaninglessness that ensnares so many around us...

but when my life happens in a place of comfort...where the motivations and striving of those around me are so familiar...and my role in them so clearly defined...

i hardly notice i'm being sucked in...

i forget...i'm actually still an outsider.

thankfully in mongolia...where no matter how long or hard i try...i'll always stick out like a hobo at the opera...

it's a little easier to remember...

that my culture isn't really found in any country on this planet...

that my identity is actually intertwined with Jesus...

to the point of being indistinguishable...

that my world-view is formed...

no...transformed...

by the truth on the tissue-thin pages of a Book

...breathed by God Himself...

you and i?...we're outsiders...

by His grace so beautifully not of this world...

by His love so contently uncomfortable in it...

so let it grow...

Dear brothers and sisters, whenever trouble comes your way, let it be an opportunity for joy.  For when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow.  So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be strong in character and ready for anything.

james chapter 1...

i was reading through this scripture the other day...

it's familiar...

it's a place we go when the going gets tough.

trouble...

there's no way around it.

it comes in various shapes and sizes...

and as humans we like to rank them...

cancer...anxiety...depression...huge

boiling hot coffee spilled on lap...miniscule

but the truth is...whatever the trial...when it's ours...it's gargantuan...and our first reaction is pretty much...

arghhh! i hate this.... 

but God tells me...these trials of various sorts...they are an opportunity for joy!

an opportunity i can take...or leave...

of course it's not easy...that's not the nature of the beast. troubles challenge us...they stretch our faith to the max...we cringe...

this is it!...the time when it finally snaps back and whacks me in the face!....

but in the end, our endurance has grown...our perseverance...the 'keep on' to 'keep keeping on'...is ever-so-slighty stronger than before.

ultimately...in that far-off finally...the process makes us strong, ready for anything, lacking nothing...

is there anything we desire more...than to lack nothing?

to be strong as we journey in this messy world with Jesus?

to have faith bigger than our fear...

an understanding of God that's rooted more deeply than our seeds of doubt?

and so we find the real challenge...in this one phrase... 

so let it grow...

the trials...they're coming...like it or not...

but growth...this joy found within them...it only comes when i let it...

when i stop thrashing against the waves...

when i open my arms, reach out for Jesus, and ride out the storm...

sometimes it's torrential...and i'm amazed to still be standing when it passes...

sometimes only a slight misting...and i wonder why i felt its shadow so ominous in the first place...

but always...always...i walk away...

i walk on...

and with more faith in my God...

and that...is the joy... 

so...wherever i find myself...whatever you're facing...

we have our mantra:

...so let it grow...